I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
