you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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