We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
