You really coming over, don't trick.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
