I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
