Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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