I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
