I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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