I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
