he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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