Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
