my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
