I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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