Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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