I want to make a zoo with you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
