He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
