pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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