I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
