Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
