Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
