i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We're too hungover to prance.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
