That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
