singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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