Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
