How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
