she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
