Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My liver just had a heart attack.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
