i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
