his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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