He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
