I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
