and she was petting her beer can
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
