i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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