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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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