just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
