you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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