Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
