My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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