i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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