So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
