gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
