Got a toothbrush?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
