You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
