He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
