apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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