But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
