so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
