we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
