Your dad touched me again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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