Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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